Chrystal and I saw a late showing of “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” last night. Obviously we weren’t so anxious to see it that we couldn’t wait a few weeks after its release to get around to watching it. Now, having seen it, I feel even more alright with having waited. In fact, I could have waited even longer to see it. A lot longer.
Spoilers follow. You have been warned.
Now, I understand that by seeing a movie of this nature, you have to be willing to suspend disbelief. In order to appreciate the original three Indiana Jones movies, there had to be some level of suspension of disbelief on the part of the viewer. However, this latest one would require you to take disbelief and obliterate it using a nuclear bomb. That is, of course, if you could obliterate the disbelief before it managed to hide inside a refrigerator. If you’re confused by that reference, you’re apparently one of the ones who managed to save ten bucks and spend it on something else. If you get the joke, you’re likely nodding along with it. If you get the joke and aren’t nodding your approval, I’m willing to wager that you own at least one Jar-Jar Binks plush toy. But I digress…
Even prior to the fridge scene, I had an eye-rolling moment when the cartoonish Dr. Irina Spalko had her first minute on screen. A more stereotypical villain you will not find. The accent was even so incredibly overdone. I found myself saying, “Uh oh” but quickly reminded myself of the phrase “escapist entertainment.” That phrase was to remain my mantra for the next two hours in order for me to try to retain some kind of value from my Saturday night.
However, it was all downhill from there. CGI prairie dogs, a swarm of CGI monkeys who know the “good guys” from the “bad guys,” Indy’s son managing to out-Tarzan Tarzan himself, a selectively magnetic crystal skull, Marion Ravenwood’s ability to drive a ’42 Ford GPA off a cliff and land it perfectly on a tree that she somehow magically knew was there, and Indy himself mispronouncing “nuclear” all add up to a total package that not even the moniker of “escapist entertainment” can justify.
Yes, “Temple Of Doom” was over the top. Yes, all three films in the original trilogy were not “realistic” if one chooses to nit pick about it. That’s not what I set out to do. I loved the original trilogy (esepcially “Raiders Of The Lost Ark” and “Last Crusade”). I wanted to like this movie. I really did. However, thank God that, due to the abominations that George Lucas created when he made the Star Wars prequels, I knew to go into this film with very low expectations.
Was it entertaining? Sure. Would I go see it again? No.
The evening wasn’t a total loss, however. I caught at least three previews of movies that I am most certainly interested in seeing. Also, Chrystal managed to make me laugh when she made a Silverladder reference during the commercials prior to the previews. A Verizon ad featuring a Batman-themed Nokia phone included text on the screen about helping Batman save Gotham City. After it was on the screen for a few frames, bright green, scribbled, handwritten-looking text appeared over the top of some of the words to make it look like The Joker had defaced the ad. Without missing a beat she said, “Hey! It’s The Korporation!” (referencing a “hack” incident from the Silverladder ARG). I had to give her props for that.
In other news, I resurrected the dream journal from the old, original Silverladder and cleaned it up a bit. I plan on adding to it consistently again when I can recall enough of my dreams to bother writing about.