When Will Things Get Better?

I recently spoke at an event that was scheduled in response to a tragedy that occurred in the community of Gilbert, AZ. A local student, 16-year-old Preston Lord, was beaten to death at a Halloween party in 2023 by a group of other teens and young adults who have since come to be known as the “Gilbert Goons.” As details have continued to come out about that incident and others perpetrated by the Gilbert Goons, the local community, the state, and even people across the country and globe have asked, “How did this happen?” The answer to that question involves a number of things, including lack of empathy, lack of accountability, glorification of violence, a disconnect from humanity due to unhealthy and unbalanced social media use, lack of intentional parenting, ego, and other factors.

As you can imagine, a variety of forces mobilized in response to this situation, from local government agencies to law enforcement to nonprofit organizations, community groups, and individuals. Rallies and vigils have been held. People have been motivated to search for answers. The community has asked what can be done about this and how similar tragedies can be prevented from happening in the future. That’s what led to the event I was invited to speak at on April 20th in Gilbert.

A handful of people worked tirelessly to plan the event, schedule speakers to present on a number of related topics, coordinate a number of community agencies and groups to have booths at the event, notify media, and even have food trucks on site for the day. It was a very well-planned, well-organized event that was put on the calendar a good amount of time in advance. People shared the information and sign-up link on social media. Quickly it gained traction. The sign-up for breakout sessions for youth filled up to capacity. The RSVP for adults neared 200 reservations. Clearly the community was rallying to answer the question of why and was determined to learn how to prevent a similar re-occurrence in the future.

The day of the event, only around 40 of the 200 who had signed up came to the event. Those who didn’t follow through on their RSVP missed a great event with multiple excellent speakers and experts including Ned Johnson (co-author of “The Self-Driven Child”), Katey McPherson, and Lance Thonvold. They missed a group of light workers determined to find solutions and strategies. Most of all, they missed one of Preston’s parents, Autumn Curiel, bravely sharing her thoughts and feelings with those assembled. This was an opportunity to begin creating change. This was an opportunity to show the world that the community is determined to make sure this never happens again. This was an opportunity to rally around a grieving family figuring out how to navigate the loss of their beloved son.

While the low turnout disappointed me, it unfortunately didn’t surprise me. I have seen this too many times to remember. I have lost count of how many times I have seen a community ask, “How did this happen? What could we have done? When will things get better?” following an act of youth violence, a teen suicide, a fatal overdose involving a child, a horrific act of bullying, or the victimization of a young person by a child predator. The incident catches widespread attention and people seem shocked. A fire gets lit to do something about it. The wheels begin turning to indeed do something. People begin making plans and coordinating. Unfortunately, it seems like the fire dies out all too quickly for many people.

I have been to youth substance use prevention events where no one showed up. I’ve performed a bullying prevention presentation for a lone grandmother at a school in Ajo, AZ after driving down from Phoenix. I’ve seen schools pull out all the stops for a prevention event, even going so far as to give away a $100 prepaid Visa to a random person in attendance, only to have a grand total of four people in the room.

Yet how many parents will wait in line for hours, even camped out overnight for the latest version of the iPhone? How many times have we seen video of Black Friday chaos that looks more like a mosh pit than a store? To what lengths were parents willing to go to get the Stanley tumbler during the viral frenzy in early 2024? Clearly the ability, the effort, the willingness, and the attention span are there. They just happen to be focused on other things.

Imagine what could be done in families, schools, communities, and the country as a whole if we took that ability, effort, willingness, and attention span and directed it into youth mental and behavioral health and wellness. It’s not an exaggeration to say that we could save lives and improve lives for the better. It’s not out of our reach, it just seems to be outside of our focus at the moment.

It’s worth noting that I’m not judging those who missed last Saturday’s event or any other. I’m certain that some of them had very good reasons to be elsewhere. To borrow a line from my friend Mary from Girls Mentorship, “I’m not calling them out, I’m calling them UP.” I know that many of them, all of them probably, could have benefited greatly from the tools, knowledge, resources, energy, and support that were shared in great quantity at the event. I want great things for them and for their families. I want their kids to be healthy, safe, and thriving. I want for no other mom to get a visit from PD telling her that her son has been killed by peers. I want for no other parents to find their child dead from a fentanyl overdose. I want for no more high school students to have to attend the funerals of their friends. I want us, US collectively, to make our children’s mental health and wellness the priority it deserves to be. We’re capable of it.

When will things get better?

Things will get better when we make them better.